previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
So, uh, have we, uh, maybe check the chest out later then?
Yeah, Hila. Let's chase the crazy guy first that was just going to kill you.
Three small clawed arms shoot up and grab at Glim's arm.
Uh, well, if I'm not mistaken, I, uh, I think those are the, um, uh, the dirt bat.
Should we keep trying to find him or should we go back and see what's in that treasure
chest because he's probably going to come back for it?
Or maybe he looped around and he's back there now.
Exactly.
Sully begins bounding up the stairs.
Uh, Moot, you are looking around the staircase as you look up the stairs and Sully is gone.
What? What? Where'd Sully go?
What do you mean? He was just-
Sully, you find yourself back on the far side of the bridge.
As Glim turns around and addresses you,
Hila and Moot, you see that Glim has grown a full bushy beard.
Maybe we just, like, opens a box?
Kind of makes sense that he would have run up here and opened it, so maybe he should.
There is a pile of gold. We found the gold!
We lost a friend, but we found the gold.
Don't cry, that sounds evil.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. We're a D&D 5th Edition Actual Play podcast,
and I am your Dungeon Master Russ More, and with me today is Karla Maxted.
That is me. I play Glim. I am a Dragonborn PAlydin.
And Tom Laird.
Yep, that's me. I play Moot. He is a half-orc, wild magic sorcerer.
And still stuck all by herself, Amy More.
All by myself. Sully is all by himself as a halfling, lightfoot, halfling rogue.
Someday. Someday.
We'll get it eventually.
These are new people, it's hard.
So we're babies, it's okay.
Where we always get it, that's that extra...
What do we get?
Where do we go to always get it?
Great warm-hearted feelings, love and affection.
You can find our Patreon scrawled on a bathroom wall somewhere.
For a good time, pay two dollars a month.
To always get it, go to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon.
Or at least finish the...
Dragon cast!
If you're gonna throw the URL, finish off the URL.
I'm sorry, I laughed too hard.
But also an episode dedicated to you.
There's a whole lot of things happening over there, new things.
And we invite you to go check it out.
But today's episode is dedicated to...
Forrest Demmon!
Thanks Forrest!
Forrest, Forrest you the best!
We're a little thrown off because we added a new feature over on Patreon called
Dumjins Downtime where we kind of just rehash the episode previous.
So the rehash of this episode will come out later this week.
And you can get that over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
But it's kind of throwing us off because it's new.
But you can go find that over there.
Fuck it!
Let's play D&D!
Sully, you have just made it up to the ravine.
Cackling laughter down, rains down upon you.
Everybody else, Glim, you have a beard.
Hylip has half a mustache.
Your facial hair's the same as when you started.
And also cackling laughter raining down upon you.
Let's start with Sully.
Sully like looks around, sees no one, and starts to trek up toward the...
Gets a strange feeling in his chest.
Like, I don't know.
Like he like he all of a sudden like worried about his buddies.
And then was like, huh?
And then was like, what is this?
I feel.
And so he started to go toward the log.
Oh, you're on the right side.
You're on the other side!
See, I totally figured.
I totally figured I was going back to the side and would have to cross back over.
I gave you the right side.
Because that just feels like that's how it goes for something.
At least last time.
Like, okay, let's do this again.
Damn it, I chose the bridge again.
Okay, good.
Okay, so I go back toward where the bridge is though,
because that's where we continued on the path.
So I'm going to go find my friends because I'm worried about them.
You're running or walking?
Oh, run.
Okay.
Jog, jog.
We'll come back to you.
Everybody else, two of you are at the top of the stairs.
Moot, you are down at the bottom of the stairs holding said skull laughter.
That was evil.
Yeah, I don't like that much.
I don't like the sound of that.
I mean, it sounds like maybe Esau is going to come back and we can kill him.
So, I mean, that's great news.
Yeah, that would be very cool.
But also, if we got all this gold, like, look at this.
Everybody got pockets to put this in.
Like, maybe, here, you grab one side.
I grab the other.
One sec there, Hillip.
Because right after you open that chest is when the evil laughter showed up.
So I don't know if you should really touch that gold.
It's too late.
I am rubbing it all over my bodies.
Oh, well, I guess I was looking at someone else when I meant to tell you that.
Is the laughter continuing this whole time?
No, you heard it once kind of echo through and it has gone flat.
Open and close it and make the evil laughter go away?
It appears to be coming from off in the distance
more towards where you thought Esau was running.
In the vague direction.
So I'm going to just put...
Look, we'll just slide it down the stairs and it will be okay.
And then we'll come back and then it will be at the bottom of the stairs.
We don't have to come back up and get more beards.
Or go poof.
Right, the beard.
We really, you and me, we really went out on that one.
I don't know about that other guy.
I mean, I can help you carry it to the bottom of the stairs.
Sweet, cool.
Just give me a strength check as you go down.
Oh, sweet cool.
Oh, why roll the one?
Are you top or bottom?
Go top!
What's harder, bottom?
Probably bottom.
It'd be real heavy.
Yeah, I mean, bottom's going to have it up over, you know.
Yeah.
You definitely drop it.
Yeah.
And it, as you kind of lift it and drop it, it begins to slide down.
Now you're on top of it and Hillop is dragging behind.
He's like, ah!
And she's riding it like a, like it's some kind of Teen Wolf.
That's right.
Like Dr. Strangelove where he's riding the bomb.
Yeah, exactly.
That's it.
As you hit the bottom, the chest opens and the gold spills out onto the ground.
And Hillop takes one stair damage from falling down.
Okay, well, if you come back and get this after I feel good in my legs again.
I thought you were a big strong, big strong dragon lady.
I sort of missed a stair.
I don't know.
They didn't measure them properly, you know, when you're going downstairs
and your mind really adjusts to exactly the right length.
And then if one is like just a centimeter out, you just...
I'm embarrassed.
It was probably the crumbly bits that I saw, you know.
Maybe it moved a stair.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably why I hurt so bad now.
Usually the crumbly bits are like the best part of a dessert.
So that's disappointing to hear it's no good for stairs.
You, you think so too?
Oh, yeah.
Very, very good.
I like, we should go out for some desserts after we get out of this evil laughter place.
I love desserts.
Let's do it.
Okay, cool.
I guess you make a dessert date plan.
The laughter rings out again.
Sully, you make it back up to the bridge.
And the two pathways that head into the forest.
Ah, yes, the two pathways of which I was paying attention, which way to go.
And I for sure wrote down, did not.
So I stand, Sully stands and is looking at the two pathways.
Make a survival check.
I was just going to say, could I make a perception
to see if like we busted through one of them, broke some branches, got a little messy.
How about I think survival is negative one.
So I think that's 14.
14.
You remember going down the one that comes straight off the bridge
and you feel like you remember more or less the directions to get back to the stairs.
Over the river and through the woods too.
The stairs we go.
Yeah.
Okay, back to everybody else.
So what are we going to do is about the laughter.
It's that one sounded really loud.
Yeah, should we?
I don't, I'm really torn.
Do we go try and find Sully or or do we stay here and just wait for Esau to come fight us?
Well, if Sully's anywhere around here,
he'll know his way back, I would think, right?
Yeah.
Does that guy pay attention to anything?
No, but when there's gold involved, maybe.
Yeah.
Touche, yeah, the gold is a good driving factor for landscaping.
So maybe maybe we wait for Sully and in the meantime,
get ready in case the bad dude comes back.
Yeah, sure.
You've got pockets.
I'm going to stuff some of this in just in case we can't come back right away.
Yeah, I have a pocket and I give him like a
handkerchief so he can put some gold in there.
So that's just not a pocket.
That's just a sneeze rack.
Yeah, but then he can put that in my pocket.
Okay, okay.
He lays it down onto the dirt and is now piling gold up.
Sully, you've made your way along the path.
You make it back to the windmill.
Do you keep going from there?
Yeah, no, I don't stop in the windmill.
You keep passing through.
It's all fitting so well.
Who doesn't like the gorillas?
Come on.
You keep passing through and you make it through the graveyard.
You hear the laughter go again.
Creepy laughter, too.
That's straight out of that song.
I laugh back.
And then it laughs again immediately.
And I laugh again immediately.
Like I'm having some kind of laugh off.
Make a perception check.
Oh no, I get to roll that again because of my luck.
It wasn't that one.
Wow, Amy, you are having some great rolls.
All right, well at least now if I get a one,
it's not the end of the world,
which is like the perfect thing for me.
Okay, well that was five.
I'm sorry, that was perception?
Yeah.
That's a negative one.
I rolled four.
Everything seems fine to you.
You keep going on.
That's right.
And you move down the path.
You feel like you're getting a little hungry, too.
I searched through my pack for some thing.
As you look down.
I'm pretty sure I took some hard cheeses.
As you look down to your pack,
the mushrooms are looking real tasty.
Um.
I have some knowledge about nature.
Can I kind of figure out maybe if this is a safe mushroom to eat?
God, guys, I've eaten mushrooms and it never goes well for me.
Yeah, roll a nature check.
Oh, thank God.
18.
These mushrooms aren't familiar to you.
What do they look like?
They're varying degrees of what they look like.
Most of them, the biggest ones of them,
and they're quite large for the most part,
are like purple and gray.
That doesn't sound appetizing.
Will one side make me smaller?
And one side will make me taller?
I don't know.
Didn't Hillop eat some of them?
He did.
Sully doesn't remember that.
Well, I don't know that we ever really figured out what they did to him.
No, you haven't yet.
There's been no connections made.
No side effects yet.
Wait, we haven't made connections for something for us?
Sounds so unlike us.
It's going to come back in about a year or so.
You'll be like, remember those mushrooms?
I want to squash the urge to eat the mushrooms
because the feeling in my chest of needing to save my friends
is bigger than the feeling of my empty tummy.
Make a wisdom saving throw then.
But I have a negative one.
Yes, you do.
I rolled a one, but I get to roll again.
Okay, good luck.
Nine.
You feel like you don't want to eat them right now,
but you feel like you want to take some to eat very soon.
I put some in the pack.
I take some of the smaller ones.
More manageable size.
Yep, that's cool.
Okay, you do that and you have made it back to the stairs
and as a laugh rings out and echoes down around you.
I return it.
The three of you hear the laugh just enveloping the area
that you're in and then you hear another laugh
coming from off to your kind of right,
the pathway coming from the graveyard area.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Sully?
Yeah, whoa, I say.
I see Clem.
Sully, you're back.
We didn't know where you went.
We went up the stairs to try and find you
and then now I guess this.
Oh gosh.
No, don't go up the stairs.
Well, you know.
Whoa, lady.
Sir, I don't know.
So there's like a weird laugh going on.
I just got zipped back to the bridge
and then fell into the ravine
and then washed up on the shore
and then had to climb the mountain.
You can tell it was a big thing,
but you guys hear that laughing all over the place
is getting on my nerves.
Oh yeah, we've heard it.
We have heard it.
It's not great.
We were sort of thinking,
you know, just wait here for the evil guy to show up
and instead of chasing him through the woods
and finding mud bats and stuff.
Yeah, fair enough.
Hey, gold.
Yeah, see, I'm trying to fit it in his handkerchief.
I don't understand how Hamut wants this to go in the back.
Hillef, I don't want to touch it.
It's gold.
Well, that's when the evil laughter started,
those when you open that chest.
It could have also been the beard
that grew on your friend's face.
It tickled the spirit.
But it's not like the evil laughter is not having fun.
It's evil.
Touche.
All right.
Well, do you want to put some in your bag there too?
I open up my satchel.
He comes over with handfuls of gold.
He's like, oh, you got some of the mushrooms.
They were pretty tasty.
Drops his gold into your bag.
Now, you eat some of these,
were they, you feeling okay?
Yeah, they were pretty meaty.
I feel good in my tummy after.
It was very hungry at the time, but now very good.
Well, maybe I'll maybe I'll just take,
can I roll another wisdom?
And not eat it?
You don't know what the mushrooms are,
but you don't think, like,
I eat one.
You want me to eat it?
I don't want you to do it.
You choose what you want to do.
I know.
I failed that saving throw though.
So I'll play by the rules of the game.
I eat one.
See?
Very good.
Very tasty.
What's it taste like?
It tasted like woody.
Like very earthy.
Does yours taste different?
I guess I claim it tastes like a mushroom.
Like, I guess.
Very good.
Anyways, maybe we, okay.
So I fill up your bag.
I fill up my pockets.
I fill up my bag.
I put a couple in the handkerchief.
He hands the handkerchief back to you.
So we go now?
Try and get away from the laugh.
Laffy ha ha.
I mean, I'd like to stop Esau.
I know that you guys just wanted the gold
and now we have that.
So, okay.
So we go towards the laughter.
I'd like to stop the evil guy.
Possible.
You can hear where the laughter is coming from?
Yeah, the exact direction-ish.
Well, let's take the fight to him.
I like your attitude, Sully.
Let's go.
All right.
So there's the pathway that Sully just came down
or cutting back through the trees,
which you had done previously.
The direction of the laugh is encompassing both of those?
Well, I mean, you could go out
and then to the left on the pathway.
Like the pathway turns back towards that way
from which you came,
but it is in more the direction of which Esau broadly, you know.
Oh my god, I'm so lost in these woods.
You guys have no idea.
Me too.
Well, guys, I mean, when we've cut through,
there's been quicksand and mud bat,
but then that other time it was fine, so.
Let's go for it.
Okay.
I'll follow you, my banded buddy.
So sorry, we're cutting through?
Yeah.
The four of you head back into the woods.
Same way you came, you're following your steps.
And when previously you had stepped out onto a path,
now you step out into a clearing
and there is a hut in the middle of this clearing.
A wooden hut with a red door.
This is where a witch lives.
It looks like there is a light glowing inside.
And it is kind of like, yeah,
it's a wood stick walled hut.
Sticks and wood for a roof.
Looks very drafty as far as construction goes.
More of a fort.
Sounds like a fort I would have built when I was a kid.
Yeah, kind of like that.
Oh, it's like kind of a yurt.
Oh, I was just going to say it's a yurt.
It's a yurt.
Sure.
That's what I said.
Okay.
I didn't.
Didn't.
Have we heard the laughter again?
You don't hear the laughter at this moment.
Who's feeling brave?
Who wants to knock on that red door?
I'll knock on the door.
You go, girl.
Boy.
And I go and knock on the door.
Make a perception check as you approach.
Pen.
As you reach towards the door handle, you see a skull-shaped handle and it catches your attention.
Okay, I'm going to crouch down in front of the skull door handle and say,
you got anything to say?
The eyes in the skull illuminate.
And it says, find the code and break the curse.
Okay, didn't we already find a code?
I bring my skull out.
Your skull says, to the right of the cross, the code will be.
All right.
And I hold my skull up.
In the graveyard.
One, two, three.
Seems like these rhyme.
Oh, you got a skull too?
Yeah, and I think they're like, it's part of the same verse.
Let's go, buddies.
Okay, well, I like the sound of find the code and break the curse.
That sounds good.
Well, we know where the code is.
And we know where the code is, and maybe Moose is like an extra clue?
Maybe the code is just one, two, three.
I mean, people got to be really like, it has to be something you can remember.
Where do you think we put the code once we find the code?
Did I knock?
Has anyone answered the door?
No, you just bent down and talked to the door handle.
Yeah, I started talking to the door handle.
I want the door to open while she's whispering at the door.
It just sounds like an awkward encounter.
The door does not open.
As you're standing there, not doing anything else.
You had like a diagram or something for us last time, Ross.
Can you send that again?
I can.
Oh, let me see if I can just like.
Oh, I found it.
It's like that thing.
Yeah, that was the graveyard.
Yeah, OK.
Well, do you guys think we should go try and find this code in the graveyard?
It seems like the clues are telling us that would make sense.
And I would like to break the curse.
What do you think?
Then we can get out of here.
Yeah, it sounds good.
I mean, everybody make an intelligence check
and we'll see if you can just remember what the graveyard looked like.
Fuck.
16.
18.
So Moot.
I don't.
Oh, eight.
Moot and Glim, you have a pretty good memory of the layout of the graveyard.
So we'll say that using the diagram that you have, that's how you remember it.
OK.
To the right of the cross.
Oh, yeah, I remember this conversation now.
Des.
Zed.
Yeah.
Party Ds.
Oh, man.
I'm pretty sure it's party Ds, guys.
Or party Zed.
Zed's a cool guy.
Always have the parties.
Or Days E.
Or those are all right of the cross, right?
Yeah.
God is Ed.
Art C.
As you guys are standing there trying to remember,
the skulls begin to speak again.
This time Moot's goes first.
It says in the graveyard, one, two, three.
And then Sully says to the right of the cross, the code will be.
Yeah, one, two, three.
There's three crosses, though.
I know.
That's what I was going to say.
I was like, well, it could be one, two, three, or one, two, three.
Damn it.
And there's only, no, I was going to say maybe there's two on one side.
But no, there's one, two, one on the left.
Or two, you know what I mean?
There isn't one, two, three crosses in a row.
I think we go, we dig up the third, the one to the right of the third cross.
So the D, I guess it is.
We're going to go grave robbing.
That's cool.
So funny because I would have thought the third cross was the one between the P and the Z.
Because as we approach it, that would have been the third one we were hit.
Oh, I guess so.
I was reading it from top down, not from bottom up.
Same here.
Maybe I misremembered.
So there's an empty grave is the one you think.
Is one empty?
Are those the?
T and Z are empty, right?
Is that what the line?
I thought that was just some beautiful shading that Russ had done for us.
Sorry, now we have, signifies more of an open grave.
I'm sure you told us that.
It just was a long time ago.
So looking at it now, I thought, well, he did a really nice job with this diagram,
a lot of depth to it.
In the graveyard, one, two, three, to the right of the cross, the code will be.
We're going to say that you've been like drawing this out in the dirt,
just so that everybody can visual.
Just in front of this house.
Just in front of the house.
So we want to go dig or do, because what do you think the code would be?
Like the code is the letters or the code is like hidden inside the ground?
I mean, I thought the code would be the letters, but.
Well, say the letters.
Well, we don't know which cross is one, two or three.
Well, you have one row, you have two rows, you have three rows.
And then the right, right?
That's what that's creepy skull said.
Yeah.
And then the skull says to the right of the cross, the code will be.
So you got the one, you got the two, you got the three,
and then to the right of the cross, you've got letters.
So then why E.D.A. or or just said E.D.
As you say said E.D., you hear a almost a crack come from the door
and light goes just emanates out from the door
and you hear the cackling laughter and whooshing a swirling wind kick up behind you
as the door cracks open.
And you won't get a fucking this house.
The wind pours down on top of you.
Sully runs to the house.
Behind it, you turn and you see atop a broomstick, a witch.
That's a motherfucking witch in long black flowing cloak
and a wide brimmed pointed hat.
And she says you have broke my code.
I will kill you before you ruin my curse.
It's half broken, you bitch.
Roll for initiative.
That's right.
I corrected her, her grammar and insulted her by calling her a bad name.
Solid work.
Sixteen.
Eleven.
Eight.
Twelve.
I know how to count.
Order Glim, you are up first.
Guys, I broke the code.
Yeah, you did.
Was that so much easier than we were making it out to be?
It always is.
It was so much easier than we were making it out to be.
How far away is this bitchy witch?
She's coming over top of the trees, so she's up in the air,
probably 30 or 40 feet and then another 20 feet from you,
so she's quite a ways away.
Would you say she's up in the air like she just don't care?
I would say that.
She seems to care quite a bit.
You could.
Why, I guess.
Uh, I am going to...
So my throwing weapon has a range of 30 to 120 feet.
Sounds like I could try and hit her with it.
You could.
Dope.
I'm gonna javelin this bitch like I'm in the Olympics.
That's an Olympic sport.
What else would javelin be?
Witch javelin.
No, witch javelin specifically.
Just javelin.
I mean, it probably was back in the day though.
Who knows?
That is a 16.
Is that going to hit the witch?
No.
Damn.
No, it will not.
Oh shit, you know our level ones, right?
You throw this javelin,
you ran towards the door.
Me? Yes, I did.
From around the side, you catch out of the corner of your eye,
Esau coming around with a shovel.
Fucking Esau with a shovel.
And that's going to be an 18.
He swings at you with this shovel.
Yeah, he hits me with his shovel.
That's going to be two bludgeoning damage to the side of your shoulder.
Oh, guys, I'm bloodied.
It's your turn.
Uh, I turn on him and with daggers in both hands go to stab, stab, stab him.
I don't even like, there's no waiting.
Do it.
Only stabbing.
If I have a dagger in each hand, do I roll for each dagger?
Do you have two-armed attack?
No.
So, no, you roll once and stab him with one.
No, I want to slash him with my rapier instead.
Okay.
Ah, 15.
That will hit.
Yeah, well, fuck you, Esau.
Then seven slashing damage, you bitch.
You slice into his side and blood begins to pour,
but it's kind of like a purplish gray color as it oozes down his side.
Oh, god, purple gray.
Like the mushrooms?
Like the mushrooms.
God damn it, Russell.
I didn't do anything.
Take this game.
I immediately try to make myself vomit.
Make a constitution saving throw.
Fine.
Well, that is a 16.
So you don't vomit.
Ah, fuck.
No, it seems like you would overpower your own constitution.
She's trying to want to vomit.
I'm just kidding.
You can vomit if you want to.
Yeah, we can vomit if we want to.
Can you vomit all over him?
I wouldn't leave that mushroom behind.
Yeah, I want to try it.
I want to throw up on him, at least on his shoes.
You're right in front of him.
I can say, yeah, you slice at him with your rapier
and then just put your other hand finger down your throat
and just spew vomit all over him.
I hope this becomes Sully's signature move.
Sully, why do you get like 17,000 million calories a day?
Well, because some of that comes back up later.
The witch swoops down on her broom towards you, glim.
And strikes you with the tip of the broom for a 19.
Damn it.
That would hurt.
I've been jabbed with a broom before.
That's going to be three bludgeoning damage
and make a strength saving throw.
16.
You stay on your feet but are knocked about five feet
back towards the house as she swoops past you,
cackling maniacally through the air.
Moot, you are up.
OK, do I know anything about which?
No, I wouldn't think I would.
You're flipping through your notepad.
When did they tell that story?
I've had it indexed properly, but no, nothing under witches.
I'm going to look at this witch
and I'm going to try out a little something
that Gabriel taught me right before we parted ways.
A little ditty I like to call magic missile.
OK, flashback scene then.
You guys are sitting around probably
after one of your training sessions.
We're out in the field by the river there
that we were in before.
And Gabriel set up like a row of antique cans
along like a couple of stumps.
All right, so you like to ruin drinks.
I get it.
I found your focus.
These pretend they're full.
OK, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you see?
So now what you're going to do
is you're going to knock them over with force.
Now, I can hit all of these cans?
All at once.
Huh, you're sure about this.
I can I can hit all three at once.
I mean, I'm hoping.
For your sake, I mean, my previous stuff,
it's all been kind of like one at a time,
but this is going to this is going to do multiples.
Yeah, you have to, you know, think about it like.
You know, when you really got a fart.
OK, how you just there's a lot of people around.
OK, and you're like, I shouldn't fart,
but it's going to feel real good after you do it.
OK, so maybe you push a little too hard.
OK, what is this analogy?
I want to rewind the video,
the exact moment you say that probably be like.
Just like, yeah, yeah, what?
And then things come out.
OK, where's he shooting these missiles?
I. It's a feeling more than anything.
OK, it's not like an actual practical
shooting things out of your behind.
You have me really worried there.
The emotion and the feeling.
Maybe they'll come out your butt.
I don't know, but we're going to wait and find out.
Why did anyone tell him what being a wizard was like?
It's a sorcerer.
Doesn't come out of their butt when they're a wizard.
So he just kind of takes a step back.
So you use that as you will.
Oh, OK, it's really like scared about this now.
But yeah, so he kind of.
Takes a look at all three targets
and in his mind, they all kind of just combine into like one.
And he like puts his hand up and three bolts
and escape from his hand and they strike all three targets all at once.
As this scene dissolves.
Those same three bolts fly out of your hand,
I assume, not your butt.
Definitely my hand and up and towards this witch
and strike her in the back as she swooped away.
Roll some damage.
That was a weird way to say that.
I really was.
Roll some damage.
This is pretty good, though.
Four, four and three.
So that is eleven force damage.
They strike into her back.
Glim and Sully, you're kind of facing away.
You hear you hear like whistling eruptions come.
Hillip and Glim, you see these three magical bolts of energy
hit the back of the witch, which propels her forward.
And she turns and she looks at you.
And it's no longer a laugh, more of a scream
as she howls and turns and makes her way back around for another attack.
Hillip's turn and he goes to help Sully
and swings at Esau with his dagger and strikes him.
Yeah, he does.
For sixteen.
Come help me out, buddy.
And that's going to be five piercing damage.
He stabs right in the wound again and Esau drops to his knee.
And he says, that's ucky goop.
Why does his blood look so different?
I don't know why.
This is so nonchAlydint for me.
I should not be this easy with killing people.
But he seems freaky and weird.
So I don't think he's human, really.
But his blood's the same color as those mushrooms.
Oh, that could be problematic in the later story.
As he's saying this, he looks in.
He said, hey, he kind of you see him looking through the door.
He says, hey, there's an orb in there.
Well, yeah, I was headed into the house to see if there was anything I could fuck up.
Sweet.
Well, maybe once this guy is.
You see Esau drop to his knees and look up at you.
And the light kind of leaves his eyes as they suck back into his head.
And he turns to dissolving into mud and sand and disperses into the ground below you.
Welcome back to the middle.
Oh, that was nice.
Oh, wow, that took a turn.
Wow.
I just felt needed a little grit.
And he put some stink on it.
Yeah, I did.
I really did.
Well, where do you go from there?
I don't really feel that you can go anywhere.
We tell people, no, no, no.
We tell people that we have new Patreon tiers that you can go check out.
That's what we tell people.
Over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We've been working on this for a little while.
Kind of talking to our existing patrons, talking to some other industry insiders.
You know how it is.
The industry insiders.
That's right.
We're so hooked up.
But no, we've been kind of working on this, trying to figure out
what we can do to give our patrons, the people who give us money to keep doing this
and doing it better and better every single time and give them something fun and exciting
and that we're excited about and that they're excited about.
And I think we've done it.
But George, I think we've done it.
Craft a code.
In that long roundabout way.
So you can go to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And I'd love you to go at least just take a look at it.
See what we've got going on over there.
So some of the new things that we're, one of the existing things that we're adding,
but we've changed the kind of the way that it's released
is the Adventures of Bonus episodes, which are DM'd by lovely Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me.
That's you.
They are now released monthly.
So every month, whereas before we do like a six to 10 episode season.
Take a break for something else and then come back to it.
You're going to get one of those, those, those sweet, sweet nuggets every month.
I have a super fun idea in my head for the next few episodes.
I am not sure how I'm going to translate that to in game,
but we're going to see if it works.
You know what?
That first episode comes out in two weeks.
So we will find out altogether if it worked out.
Also, we are launching a new show in January, 2020 called Facing Fate.
That's right.
What is Facing Fate?
It is collaborative storytelling and it is frightening to play and even listen to.
I like this.
This is like Russ quizzes us about the things that we do
and then asks us like, what are you doing?
And we're like, well, I don't know.
How would you describe this to people?
Show your work.
So what Facing Fate is in the little blurb right up?
It's an anthology based actual play podcast where we release two seasons a year.
The first season, which comes out January, 2020,
and is available September 16th exclusively to patrons is a sci-fi based thriller.
Now, if you're a patron of ours from before, you've heard the first six episodes,
but Russ has remastered them and added a little more pizzazz to them.
And plus, there's more episodes on top of those original sets.
That's right.
We've extended it to be a full 10 episode season.
So patrons have access to that right now.
Now we've ramped enough, I think.
Let's ramp up to that big one.
What do we got?
What's bigger than playing with your favorite Dumbgeons and Dragons podcasters?
Nothing.
The answer is nothing.
We're really good at selling ourselves here.
We don't know how rhetorical questions work.
Big part of the feedback that we got from existing patrons is that
a lot of people wanted the chance or the ability to be able to
hang out with us or play games with us.
And this is the way that we've kind of worked it,
that we can make it something that is possible.
And we want to play games with you is what we're saying.
We love playing games.
I don't know if you guys know this about us.
So all those new things are over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Ahead in the feed, we've released a bit of a longer episode
kind of breaking down each of the tiers,
what some of those things mean.
So go listen to that.
If you skipped over it, totally understand it.
Or if you just don't want to read it from the Patreon page.
Yeah.
If you don't want to do that, we will explain it to you over there.
Thanks, everybody.
Hopefully you enjoy this next part of the episode where
Stuff happens.
Stuff is happening.
Stuff happens.
We're in the middle of the forest still.
So, you know, it's all good.
Glim, it's your turn.
Well, I think I because I don't have any other ranged attacks.
So I would have come around to also try and fight Esau
because I was delighted there was going to be a person on the ground
I could fight since I threw my javelin.
And that's all I can do and the witch is in the air.
So I don't know if I heard any of that explanation,
not explanation, but make a perception check.
The orb, orbness.
Well, I don't perceive sweet FA because that's a five.
So I come around the corner and say, Hey guys, what's going on?
There's an orb in there.
Did you not hear me?
You were like five feet away.
Oh, I was so disturbed by Esau just like
Yeah, he's just like
Blah, blah, blah.
Yes, that's a perfect way to describe it.
Yeah, you saw it too.
Phillip, can you remind me?
I know there was an orb in the story.
Do we destroy the orb to save the people?
Do we take the orb?
This is a long winded conversation for having right now
when the witch is going to swing back
and get your magic blasty blasty friend.
You're right.
I run in and grab the orb or I try and go in and take the orb.
As you run in, he's yelling behind you.
He's like the orb supposedly powered the windmill and kept the evil away.
I actually remembered that.
I could have given that information.
Oh, do you want to?
Nah, it's fine.
But I just want to say for the record,
I remembered that's what the orb was for.
I couldn't remember.
I just remembered that the orb was part of it.
I didn't remember if it was good or bad.
Yeah, the light, the windmill and the light.
We'll say you make it to the orb and you're able to pick it up.
It is a glowing rainbow Illuminescence.
Iridescence, I guess, is probably a better term
because Illuminescence isn't a word.
But it's a really pretty word you just made up.
It is, right?
Yeah.
Celia, it's your turn.
Where's the witch at this point?
She's swooping back around
and is looking like she's aiming towards Moot.
I will take out my short bow
because Glim totally ran in there
and did the thing that I was going to do.
Thanks, Glim.
And I shoot my short bow at her.
Do it.
Fucking twos.
It goes wide and off into the trees.
And let that be a warning to you.
Glim, sorry, I could have said
that you see along the walls many shelves
and you see a large number of various potions and herbs.
What you can presume to be potions and herbs
kind of scattered, not scattered,
but organized throughout this hut.
And it is the witch's turn.
And she is going to swoop down.
And kill me.
Towards Moot.
You went fucking far left.
She didn't even know you tried to shoot at her.
That's going to be a 21 to hit you
as she swoops down.
Good sir.
And three bludgeoning damage
and a strength saving throw, please.
Okie dokie.
Just straight up?
Yes, sir.
Oh, 19.
You remain on your feet
but are knocked back five feet towards the hut as well.
Okay.
And she swoops down
and is making her ascent back up.
It's your turn.
You hear commotion behind you
as your friends are running into and around the hut.
Okay, I'm going to throw a ray of frost her way.
What's the range on that?
The range is 60 feet.
Okay, yep.
Okay.
That is an 18.
That will hit.
Yeah, will!
Alright, so you're going to take five cold damage
and your speed is reduced by 10
until the start of, I guess, my next turn?
Yes, my next turn.
It's usually how it works, yeah.
That is relevant.
Okay, she lets out another scream as your ray hits her
and you can visibly see that her speed through the air is slowing down.
Do you want to do anything else on your turn?
Move, speak, do anything.
I guess take a peek at what's happening with that orb and say,
ooh, what do we do with that?
Well, it says it's supposed to be powers of windmill from the story.
We should probably get it back to the windmill.
Maybe that'll kill the witch.
Kills a witch, kills a witch.
Look at all this cool stuff in here.
Maybe we come back afterwards and just see.
We have so many things to collect after.
My god, yes.
It's Hillop's turn.
He's like, so are we running with the thing?
I'm definitely going to run with the thing.
Like, we need to get it back to the windmill, right?
And I don't even have any kind of weapons I can use on a flying enemy, so.
We'll cover you.
We got your back.
All right.
Everybody begins running.
You are dashing, I presume, because you are running with the orb to get it back.
Sure.
I'm way at the fucking back of this.
Oh, because your speed's less.
It's only 25.
I'm so small.
Okay, so you make it out and there is a pathway on the other side of the hut that you begin
to make your way down towards.
It's the only pathway unless you cut through the woods somewhere.
I mean, I don't know.
Didn't oh, no, because we don't know.
We've never been at this hut before.
I was going to say, didn't we?
We cut through the woods.
It was fine.
But I don't know.
Witch made a man out of the other quicksand.
So I feel like I'll stick with the path, even though it'll take longer.
Sully.
The witch has you can see that she's kind of slowed, but is making her way back towards
more aiming now towards Glim, who has the orb.
How many feet is she for me?
My short bow goes to 320 feet.
Will it fit?
Will it hit?
It will fit.
If it fits, it hits.
I'm going to I'm going to shoot her with an arrow.
Twenty six.
Damn.
Yeah, you strike the witch right in the shoulder and she can knock her off course
a little bit.
Roll damage.
Sully's good with that bow.
It's a six.
So it's an eleven.
An enormous scream and a blast of wind comes forth.
Everybody make a dexterity saving throw.
Oh, good.
One of my strong suits.
Yeah, right.
Me too.
Oh, fourteen.
That's not bad.
Twenty.
Not now.
Thirteen.
Hylip is knocked to the ground.
Actually, Hylip's still in the hut, so that doesn't matter.
Oh, Hylip didn't come running with us?
Well, I mean, we're not you can't run at the same time.
Like we're going in initiative order here.
So those two would have started.
You would have used your movement to get out.
And then your action to shoot.
Glim.
Sorry, what did you get for Glim?
Thirteen.
You are knocked prone.
And then it is the witch's turn and she's going to fly.
God, I killed her.
I got so excited.
Oh, no.
Oh, honey, no.
Honey, no.
She swings down at you for a twelve.
At me?
That will not hit.
She glides right over top of you and like it's a cat frustrated cackle
that she lets out as she glides over top of you and back up into the air.
Moot.
Yeah, OK.
So sorry, you did not get knocked prone because you're still in the hut.
Sure.
I guess I make my way out of the hut.
OK.
Um, yeah, how far away is the witch from me at this point?
She's up and in front of Glim.
So probably 60, 75 feet in front of you from where because Glim dashed.
So she's way the fuck out.
OK, I'm going to cast Chill Touch, which has a range of 120 feet.
I create a skeletal hand in the space of a creature within range.
And I make a range spell attack against said creature.
Cool.
Right.
That is a 14.
The hand appears and misses her.
It's kind of glances or just glances along the back of her flowing robes.
You see them kind of freeze and shrivel, but then go back to their normal state and you miss.
So use your full movement to pursue all your friends.
Yep.
Hylip does the same.
He uses his dash to come run towards Glim and aids you and helps you up so you don't
have to use your movement to stand next time.
That's neighborly.
Says you got to run fast as it gets to the thing.
It's a windmill.
I forgot where we were.
It's back to you, Glim.
OK, I'm going to keep on running.
You do so.
You round two bins.
There's no turnoffs and you make it back to the area that looks very familiar,
but the ground has kind of settled.
Make a perception check.
Oh, I actually made a pretty good roll.
19.
This is the quicksand area where you found Esau originally.
So you kind of stop short of this quicksand area that had seemingly caught him previously.
Great.
And that is your full movement.
Sully?
Do I still see the witch in the air?
From yes.
Yes?
OK, I want to hit her again.
Pull another arrow out of my quiver.
Draw the end do the thing.
It's a 20.
Damn, damn.
Roll me some damage.
Yeah, some damn, damn damage.
I only get to add my bonus once, right?
Yes, roll twice.
Oh, fuck.
OK, so that's 11.
Your arrow flies and impales in her back and you see her dip below the tree line,
letting out another hideous scream.
Dad, why won't you die?
Nobody knows.
And as you do that, do you use any of your movement?
Yeah, I continue to run forward after Glim.
So you've run a total of 50 feet.
She has run 120 feet around many corners.
So you've lost sight of her, but you were running in the direction that she had left.
You look above the tree line and the witch turns
around and seems to be trying to figure out where everybody is.
She kind of hovers above the tree, doesn't look like she's moving anywhere.
Moot.
OK, I'm ways back, I would assume, at this point.
Yes, sir.
Well, you would have moved 30 feet, so you're a little bit behind, Sully.
OK.
Yeah, I guess I'll try Chill Touch again.
It's probably the best one I have for range and stuff.
So.
All right, big money.
That's a 15.
It's one better than last time.
It still misses.
OK.
Yep.
Move.
Yes.
Yep.
So you run forward past Sully by 10 feet.
Sully's just running.
Uh, Hillop is in pursuit of Glim as well, and he sees you stop.
He's running kind of right behind you as you're going, sees you stop,
almost runs into you and says, why did we stop?
It's the quicksand spot.
We got to.
Oh, yeah, look at that.
Very good eyes.
I was paying attention more to, I don't even know.
I was just following you.
Good thing you stopped.
And it is back to your turn.
You continue to run.
Yeah, but, you know, skirting the edges of the quicksand.
Yep.
You skirt the edge of the quicksand.
Now, when you had previously come to the quicksand,
you had cut through the trees from the windmill
because you had heard yelling through the trees.
I will do that again.
It was safe last time.
Yep.
You do so and you end up in front of the windmill.
We'll say that it's out of order,
but we'll say that Hillop is right behind you following in tow.
Sully.
Is the witch still just hovering above?
Yes, for the moment.
I'm going to.
You know.
Sully's going to shoot a shot.
17.
That will hit.
At least somebody's hitting.
See, you just keep moving up one.
Eventually.
I kept rolling it on my crotch.
Seven.
It goes and it cuts in front of her
and you see a big tear in her robe
and she you see like blood spew out into the air above you
and she turns and her eyes glow
and she turns to aim towards you.
I've ran 25 feet.
Then you're running towards her 25 feet
and she swoops down towards you.
That's only going to be an 11.
That won't hit me.
Fair enough.
Then she goes above you as you duck and dodge.
You have to duck or did she maybe just think I was taller than I really am?
You dodge, dip, duck, dive, and dodge.
I dodged twice.
That's right.
So we're back to back to Glim and Hillop.
So you're about 30 feet from the door.
Great.
Well, I'm going to try and make it that last 30 feet.
That's my movement.
You make it to the door and it is locked.
Right.
Okay, I want to try and kick it.
Cool.
Because, you know, what else am I going to do?
Strength.
Okay, so.
Roll that strength.
We'll say with advantage because I would assume Hillop would try and help you.
So I will do an unarmed strike because that's one of my things I can do.
Yeah, sure.
Okay, that is a 14.
It's not great.
No, a 15.
Okay, you hit the door.
15 on door and then oh, the other one was lower.
Does anything happen?
And I do some damage.
Roll me damage.
Okay.
Roll me damage.
Oh, damage is five.
Defeat the building.
I'll roll it.
It just is five.
Oh, it's just five.
Cool.
The wood begins to crack.
You hear like a sickening thud as it as it cracks,
but does not open.
Okay.
Sully.
I turn around to see her swoop by me and I unleash another arrow.
Sure.
Oh, fuck.
Nine.
I obviously try to do that as I'm running.
Wasn't.
Yeah, it goes.
And I run.
You see the witch go up and in and something catches her eye
and she zips off above the tree line
in the direction where you presume Glim would have run.
Come back here, you tacky whore.
Moot.
You've kind of lost sight of the witch.
Okay, can I dash Delma moves?
You sure can.
So you're going to have been.
Okay, you make it to the edge of the quicksand area.
Make a perception check.
18.
You definitely recognize this as that as that area
and skirt or able to skirt around the edge.
Um, Hillop says, so you're going to just punchy punchy to the door
or do we got those cool tools that your other friend had?
I don't know how to do that.
I only can I can hit really hard, but I don't have the finesse or the tools.
I should have picked the little one up.
Someone come back for me.
Do we split the party again and I go that way to go get him
or do I stay here and kick?
You could do that, but can you kick first and then run in the other direction?
Just a little kicky kicky.
He rolls a seven to kick and he's like, oh, my ankle.
Oh, I remember you hurt your leg when you fell down with the chest.
Okay, maybe now you're in pain.
I don't know how helpful it'll be.
But yeah, do you mind heading back and.
I shall go try.
He hobbles, kind of run hobbles.
He's like, little friend.
Little friend, where are you?
It's your turn, Glenn.
Okay, I am going to kick again.
Yep, that is 25.
It's a little bit better.
I did it.
I kicked the door, you guys.
You kicked that door.
It's still just five damage, so it's just five.
The wood begins to splinter, but you're still unable to.
It hasn't removed from the hinges and you don't have a way to reach in through the wood.
That was going to be my question.
I just like push it, poke it through.
Not yet.
Yeah, Sully.
You've lost sight of the witch.
Yeah, I just I dash.
Okay, you make it kind of right behind where moot is.
Hey, buddy.
Hey, Sully.
We're not cut out for this.
You want to carry me?
No.
Okay.
That's all I do.
Okay, make a perception check.
Yeah.
All right, stand.
Oh, I perceive nothing.
Four.
You don't recognize the area.
Where are we?
Sully, wait.
Oh, he's behind you.
He runs too slow.
Yeah, no, I was going in front of you.
Oh, I assumed he would be dashing at this point.
Yeah, no.
Well, he is dashing, but he still has...
He still hasn't caught up.
He's got 25 feet movement.
Okay, can I give him a little heads up that the quicksand's on the way?
Absolutely.
All right.
Sully, the quicksand's up ahead.
Watch out.
Thanks, moot.
Thanks, buddy.
Glim, you hear the cackle come over the trees and you turn to see the witch
and she is diving down towards you.
And that is going to be a 20 not critical to hit you.
Well, that will hit me.
They not crit.
Jesus.
And that's going to be two bludgeoning damage and a strength saving throw.
Okay.
Oh, maybe she pushes you into and through the door.
Oh, I actually rolled a good strength save, you guys.
It's never...
It hasn't happened yet.
Are you really strong?
I am strong, but I've been rolling like twos.
I rolled a nat 20, but I have a four, so it's 24, so...
I feel like she should, like, ricochet off you and take it.
Off my shield.
It's like in...
You grab her broom and she keeps going.
When Wile E. Coyote hits the wall, but...
No, so, yeah, she hits you, glances off you, and you stand strong
as she zips up above the windmill.
And you see her and turn and she looks down at you
and there begins to this purple, dark, black glowing energy about her
as it is Moot's turn.
Uh, how far am I from the, like, the clearing outside the windmill?
Um, the way that you came, another dash would get you to the clearing.
Okay, but I can't get there on just my normal moves, eh?
Okay, dash it up.
All right, you make it back and through the trees
which you came and you see Glim standing at the windmill,
a damaged door and this glowing energy
now surrounding the witch up and to the left of the windmill.
You see, you pass by Hillop as he's like,
did you see the little friend?
He's right back there.
I will go get him, maybe.
Save the orb and the friend.
I'm working on it, Hillop.
He dashes, but he's lost some of his movement,
so he makes it out into the quicksand right in front of you, Sully,
and he's like, hey, do you want to hop on my back?
I'm a little sore, but apparently you run very slowly.
Uh, how far away is he?
He's, like, right in front of you.
Oh, um.
You basically have the same movement mechanics-wise at this point.
Oh, maybe you could, like, shoot from his back if he dashes.
You could hold on to your action
and then, like, shoot your bow from his back as you come in.
Ooh, yes, I want to do that.
That does sound fun.
Yeah, it does, yeah.
I get on his shoulders.
You hop aboard.
Glim, it is your turn.
Well, I'm just going to keep kicking that door
because it's really what I got to do.
So that is 16 for door.
That will hit the door.
Thank God.
So five damage.
The door busts in, crushing into the room.
There's, like, a vacuum pull sucking all the debris into the room
and you feel this wind gushing behind you.
Can I go in?
As you step in with the orb, you feel it pulling from your hand.
Do you do anything in particular?
Just watch in wonderment at the miracle that I'm witnessing.
Ha.
It lifts and pulls to the center of the windmill and sucks up
and you hear the gears begin to churn.
As the blades begin to churn, dust begins to swirl inside
as all of this begins to move.
Outside, you can see kind of the tips of the windmill
from where you and Hilla Barcelli and Moot you see it.
The windmill begins to churn
and the energy that's surrounding the witch
gets sucked up into and churning with the windmill
and she lets out a hideous scream
as she herself is pulled off of her broom
and through the blades of the windmill
and dispersed into the air
as the darkness that has settled over this little village is lifted
and it is a bright sunny day as the windmill begins churning
without the power of anything else except the magical orb inside.
The broom falls to the ground
and Hilla Barcelli run
and you are now near Moot on the outside of the windmill.
I've been definitely making like sounds as.
That is good.
Yeah, it's like I am a horse and you are the jockey.
That is pretty fun.
You like to play the games, don't you?
All the games.
So I run out and like friends and hug my friends
because everything is like nice now.
We did it.
We did.
We did the thing and now you got your thing.
Does she have a beard still?
I'm curious.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you definitely have a beard.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
You still have your beard.
It didn't suck the evil beard away, though.
That's pretty unfortunate.
Oh, maybe it's not an evil beard.
I mean, it looks majestic as fuck.
You could be a beard for good.
Thank you.
I'm not.
It's a beard for good.
I don't know.
One thing at a time.
Maybe I got to go get my javelin.
Good thinking.
Maybe we go get your javelin.
We swing back and get all that sweet, sweet gold that we didn't.
And there was some cool stuff in that hut.
We could look in the hut.
Maybe there were some potions or.
Russ, can I scoop up the
flying broom as I walk by it?
Sure you can.
Yeah, I'm bleeding like all over the place, you guys.
I don't know if you can see this, but I'm literally covered in blood, mud, and my own vomit.
Interesting.
How hurt are you?
You're the most hurt, aren't you?
I definitely only have four hit points left if I were to quantify my amount of living.
Uh, OK, then I will put my hand on your shoulder and I will give you five.
No, let's say four hit points back.
Thank you.
So this has never happened before either.
So what does Sully feel as as this happens?
I think probably just like my hand is on her shoulder and I was like,
I just want you to feel better and sort of just like a warmth,
like a warm glow kind of feeling.
Like a nice hot water bottle kind of feeling.
Oh, very comforting.
Comes on your shoulder and kind of spreads and heals you a bit.
Oh, that's woman tingly.
Thanks.
That's good.
That's crazy though.
You guys need a magic.
That is pretty cool.
You got any more of that for good old hill up here?
Uh, sure, Hillip.
Maybe this will will help with your leg struggles.
And so I do the same thing, but he only gets one.
Sorry.
Oh, that feels like a little bit better.
Like a lukewarm bath on a cool winter's day.
Just like Mama used to do.
OK, you guys go.
We'll do inventory and stuff on the next one.
But you guys go, you get a bunch of potions and herbs.
If you decide to take any of those and split amongst you,
among you, 300 gold, four ways, math.
And unless you say otherwise, you go back through the forest
and you make it back to the caravan where there you see
that the majority of the caravan has left.
Well, we did take a long time.
We were in there for a while.
So your wagon is there and Winifred's wagon is there
and she runs over to you and she's like,
where did you guys go?
Well, we were, there was gold and-
Well, Hillip wanted to go check out a town he heard about
in a story one time, so we had to go have a look.
The gears begin to churn as the big...
Plates?
The wacky waving-
Plates?
Plates!
...and portable arp tubes, man.
The word was gone.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers Jacob Madden,
Cat Waterflame, and Ryan Cushman.
Find out more at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
The music in today's episode, Long Road Ahead,
Scheming Weasel, Nervous, Return of Lazarus, Red Letter,
and Come Play With Me are by Kavin MacLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Visit creativecommons.org slash licenses slash buy slash 4.0.